Projection: Lessons in Communicating with a Narcissist 

“Rather than blissfully lacking a sense of morality, like the sociopath, they are continually engaged in sweeping the evidence of their evil under the rug of their own consciousness.”—M. Scott Peck The People of the Lie: the Hope for Healing Human Evil

Unsurprisingly, my narcissist is unable to follow through with his obligations per the divorce decree. This time I decided to pick up my biggest stick and poke the bear; I had my lawyer send the narcissist a firmly worded letter. 

Retribution would be forthcoming, I was certain. The narcissist, who has generous dose of Antisocial Personality Disorder in addition to the NPD, would not be able to ignore the double provocation of being told he was inadequate by an authority figure. 

I woke up a few mornings after the letter was sent to several accusing, demanding, and slightly unhinged messages. Clearly the Postal Service had done it’s job with due diligence. My lawyer’s letter had arrived. 

His messages were a jumble, unpunctuated words strewn across the screen with random capitalization of words. He’s capable of conventional writing, so I view this word chaos as a true reflection of his mind. With others he hides his insanity behind grammar, mechanics, and punctuation. With me, especially when I’m being punished, he dispenses with societal conventions. 

I really had no idea where his accusations came from. Still, I experience momentary anxiety and fear, all those feelings he trained into me, even though I wasn’t sure what I’d done. Those feelings didn’t last long, a big step forward in my healing. I filed away the crazy and moved on. 

A few days and many emails related to the sale of the house later, everything clicked. He had been doing exactly what he’d accused me of doing. Projection!

A thing to remember: If you want to know what your narcissist is up to, it’s safe to assume that he is doing everything he accuses you of doing. 

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